Psychology Today defines Emotional Intelligence as “the ability to identify and manage one’s own emotions, as well as the emotions of others.” I define emotional intelligence as the ability to master self-control.

Self-control, as defined by the Miriam Webster dictionary, is restraint exercised over one’s own impulses, emotions or desires. Mastering self-control is not easy. Being able to identify and manage one’s own emotions as well as the emotions of others is not easy, but it is essential when working with others in a professional setting. On the same note, emotional intelligence is not easy but is necessary.

In order to master self-control, thus leading to emotional intelligence, there are 3 areas of which we will have to evaluate.

Awareness, Accountability, and Achievement.


How many times have you felt overwhelmed? Happy? Sad? Hurt? Loved? These are all emotions.

The key is being able to recognize an emotion (the happy, sad, hurt, or loved feeling) as it occurs. Tuning in to your true feelings is a requirement of awareness of oneself. We cannot fix what we are not aware of. If we are not aware of our emotions, we cannot fix address our emotions. Here are some ways you can tackle this:

  • Recognize the cause and effect of your emotions.
  • Be confident in who you are and what you are capable of.
  • Consider constructive solutions to your issues.
  • Prepare professional ways to communicate how you feel.


We often have little to no control when emotions occur, however, mindset is everything. The amount of time an emotion lasts is based on you. You can control your emotions by using mechanisms to shift your mindset from negative to positive in seconds.

Accountability mechanisms include:

  • Manage those emotions by practicing self-control (remember, emotional intelligence is mastering self-control).
  • Uphold the honor of who you are with honesty and integrity.
  • Exercise, take a walk, meditate, and or pray. Positive activities will help tremendously.
  • Keep a journal to help release frustration so that it doesn’t build up.
  • Consider talking with someone outside of work about how you feel, like a therapist or a close friend.


Motivate yourself with a positive attitude and clear expectations.

Practice makes perfect!

When negative emotions occur, you’ll be able to recognize the emotions, and activate positivity to redirect the emotion (once this happens, you have achieved your goals)!

As you are going through this journey, don’t lose faith or become impatient. Remember, change doesn’t happen overnight, but by being consistent you’ll be on the right path to positive change.

Keep working towards this every single day. It takes 21 days to form a habit and 90 days to create a lifestyle. Create a habitually positive emotional intelligent lifestyle. Believe in yourself. You can do this!